Don't bother turning around. It won't be there.
Because it's not your time. Not yet.
When the time does come, there will be tricks, and there will be treats. You know the rules to avoid the tricks: Stay out of graveyards at night. Always keep your crucifix handy. Ditto wooden stakes, bulbs of garlic, and silver. (Plenty of silver. Bullets if available. But anything will do.)
Behead anything you kill...lest it return from the dead.
Vampires can only reach you if you invite them in. Or if you look them in the eye.
But there are treats, too, for those whose tastes run to the macabre. For instance, there are these stories, read by some well-known artists, actors, and singers. Closed on Account of Rabies: Tales of Edgar Allen Poe, is a two-disc collection of some of Poe's most celebrated works, including "The Raven," "The Tell-Tale Heart," and "The Masque of the Red Death," just to name a few.
Some of the performances are amazing. "The Black Cat," for instance (my favorite) is one of those. It's read by Diamanda Galas, an absolutely brilliant voice actor. I'm also fond of Ken Nordine's recitation of "The Conqueror Worm," and Gabriel Byrne's reading of "The Masque of the Red Death." Christopher Walken reading "The Raven" is an inspired choice ("So softly, you came rapping at my chambuh doah"). And Iggy Pop manages to pull off "The Tell-Tale Heart," just fine.
Some of the other performances are...uh...well, just listen to Debbie Harry perform "The City and the Sea," or Ed Sanders perform "The Haunted Palace," and see what you think. Maybe it's just me.
Still, as a whole, I just love this anthology. Dr. John does "Berenice?" Really? Yes, he does. And it's pretty good.
The point is, whether you're looking for something creepy, something scary, or something fun for Halloween, you really can't go wrong with "Closed on Account of Rabies..."
It's a real treat. So go on, give it a shot. It won't hurt you. You may even like it.
But keep the lights on. And if a stranger comes to your door and asks you to invite him or her in, say "No."
It's a trick.